One of the things I managed to do this weekend was a bit of a look into the future of movies showing up this year.  As we know from last years “2012”, this is the year that we will all disappear into oblivion, so a look at hollywood’s offerings is always a bit of a laugh and quite often we can find some rock solid rubbish on the horizon.  Anyway, here’s a few of the delights that await us in the year that the world will allegedly end.

We’re about to get “I am Bruce Lee” which is a documentary about the life of the Kung fu king and star of half a dozen martial arts movies of the 60’s and 70’s. Then there’s “Chronicle” about high school kids with superpowers that learn how to abuse them closely followed by another Ghost Rider (“Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance”) movie, with Nicholas “horse face” Cage back on a fiery motorbike.

“John Carter” will arrive in March, which tells the story of epic battles on, of all places, Mars. We were also supposed to see more of Nicholas Cage in “Seeking Justice” as a vigilante protecting his wife, but somehow or other that actually arrived in November – what’s all that about?. “Wrath of the Titans” with Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes will no doubt be more leather bound fighting.

In April, we’ll get the animation “Dorothy of Oz” as written by the great grandson of the original author of the Wizard of Oz. Might be interesting.  Then there’s the eagerly anticipated “Iron Sky”. Think the Nazi’s in Antarctic, with a base on the dark side of the moon.  Promising nonsense. Sadly, we also have “Titanic 3D” and “Scary Movie 5” (’nuff said), although Eddie Murphy in “A Thousand Words” might be bearable.

May will see the Avengers finally arrive after the build up from the other Marvel comic films. “The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel” was also scheduled for May, but I suspect that might arrive sooner, and will be one to watch. Tim Burton’s vampire film, “Dark Shadows” followed by the film of the game “Battleship”. This apparently involves aliens – give me strength – and yet more aliens in “Men in Black 3”. On the higher cerebral plane, Wes Craven’s Scouting movie “Moonrise Kingdom” looks promising.

June and the summer will be with us, so that means blockbusters…  Hmmm..  “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter” – really??  How many vampire movies do we need? ” Snow White and the Huntsman”, which no doubt is a result of last year’s “Red Riding Hood”, rebooted into a more slasher/horror genre. Let’s hope that “Madagascar 3” and “Prometheus” give us something better. Prometheus in particular as it’s Ridley Scott’s new Sci-Fi. What I’ve seen makes it look like a scaled up version of his original “Alien”, but I’m hoping for greatness, and he rarely dissapoints.

July’s offerings are of course bigger. “The Amazing Spiderman” and at long last, “The Dark Knight Rises”, the latter of which is bound to be the BIG movie of the year, not least because of it’s enormous IMAX release. We’ll also get yet another “Ice Age” movie and a bit of John Travolta in weed-Movie “Savages”.

Matt Damon as Jason Bourne doesn’t return in August, in “The Bourne Legacy” but that shouldn’t make it any less compelling and there’s a remake of “Total Recall” with Colin Farrell.  The only apparent similarity between this version and the Arnold Schwarzenegger version being the Philip K. dick book that they’re both based upon (“We Can Remember It For You Wholesale”). There’s a Zombie movie “Warm Bodies” which has a bit of twist on the traditional Zombie tales, and because it made too much money in its first incarnation, “Expendables 2” – Probably popcorny fare.

“Argo” looks like an interesting project. How the CIA and hollywood smuggled six Americans out of Tehran in 1979, but we also get “Finding Nemo” again, this time in 3D. September will also give us “Hotel Transylvania” a which isn’t just about vampires you’ll be glad to hear, but is for the kids and in 3D. “Looper” is a bit more sci-fi though with time travelling super-cops.

The dark nights (no silent K there) start arriving in October, and in the nice warm cinema, you can see “Taken 2″‘ “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” in 3D (can’t wait to here Dr Kermode on that one), “Paranormal Activity 4” and “Halloween” 3D.  Of slightly more interest will be “The Gangster Squad” with Sean Penn and Ryan Gosling in 1940’s LA.

Yet another bloody vampire movie in November “The Twilight Saga” continues, but “Red Dawn” might be interesting as the USA gets invaded. Of far more interest to me though, will be the next bond movie “Skyfall” – scheduled for the 9th of November. Also worth a watch could be “Gravity”, more sci-fi with George Clooney and Sandra Bullock and another 3D Animation starring Santa, The Easter Bunny and The Tooth Fairy “Rise of the Guardians”

Just in time for what Hollywood refers to as the Holiday Season – and the sane people of the world refer to as Christmas, is “The Hobbit”, where Martin Freeman (Watson to BBC One’s Sherlock) will finally achieve global recognition. There will also be Daniel Day-Lewis in “Lincoln” a bio-pic of the end of the US Civil War, and “World War Z” which is Brad Pitt in a Zombie movie. Right at the end of the year, you might get to see Leonardo DiCaprio in “The Great Gatsby”

All-in-all, a whole load of nonsense with some very entertaining moments, no doubt.  

Of course, this list is by no-means the complete list of movies that will see the light of day this year, and I’m quite sure there’s some much better stuff that isn’t really talked about, of I have yet to have heard about, so don’t be too disheartened.

One thing I have heard about is “1066”, which is also scheduled for “sometime in 2012” (October maybe?) – A great idea, someone obviously was looking at the generic “epic battle” movies that we’ve had so many of lately, and thought that the battle of Hastings was crying out to be done.  With that in mind, why not pick up some heavyweight actors to get involved. Well, they clearly scrubbed that idea, and went for a cast who we’ve not seen in some (read many) years.  

1066

Actually, as a result I can’t wait to see what they look like.  There’s Mark Lester (yes, the little lad who was Oliver) who’s last movie was back in the 70’s and there’s Lewis Collins (yes, he of The Professionals and Who Dares Wins). His last movie was 1990, but he was in the Grimley’s in 1999. I actually have huge respect for both of them, although when I note the German director (Robin Jacob) has been out of the saddle for 7 years, I wonder what we’ll get.

Well, that’s it for now.  Hope the snow isn’t playing too much havoc for those of you that have it.


This post originally appeared here: Posterous